In 2018, I went on a two-month trip in search of my final GM norm. I played six to seven tournaments in a row, fully believing that I would get my norm and finally become a Grandmaster.

At that point, I was reasonably confident. I had crossed 2500 Elo and had recently secured my second norm. I felt I was in good form—or at least I thought I was.

The tournaments were full of ups and downs. I managed to maintain my rating to some extent, but there were no real signs of a norm in any of them. Still, after every tournament, I kept telling myself, In the next one, I’ll get it. That thought kept repeating throughout the trip.

By the time August came around, I was mentally tired and had semi-given up. I still had two tournaments left on the trip, but I was no longer forcing myself to believe that this was the moment.

The next tournament was in Spilimbergo, Italy. Before it started, I consciously shifted my mindset. I decided to be a bit more relaxed and worry less about the games or results. Some of my friends were also playing, which helped a lot. Having familiar faces around made things lighter and more enjoyable.

The tournament had double rounds on most days, so everything was happening very quickly. There was less time to overthink. I was focused more on Italian food, spending time with friends, and just playing chess without too much pressure.

I started the tournament well, and things were going smoothly. But then, as usual, I had to mess something up.

In round eight, I was playing GM Baadur Jobava with the white pieces. A draw would have been a very good result and would have brought me very close to the norm and the title. But I didn’t want a draw. I wanted to win. I wanted revenge for my loss against him in one of the earlier tournaments on the trip.

Spoiler alert: I lost.

The loss was purely because of my mindset and the thoughts going into the game. I had already decided that I had to win, and I chose to do it by playing 1.b3. I have always admired Jobava and had played many games with 1.b3 with good results. As you might have guessed, my inspiration for that choice was Jobava himself.

There was nothing fundamentally wrong with the opening choice or the idea. The real problem was my state of mind. I played the entire game as if I had something to prove. I wasn’t responding to the position objectively; I was responding to my ego. That mindset didn’t help at all.

That loss almost completely ruined my norm chances. The walk back from the playing hall was not pleasant at all.

Later, during dinner, we did some basic rating calculations. I don’t remember the exact numbers, but the conclusion was clear: I needed to win my final game against a player rated above roughly 2340 to have any chance of getting the norm.

The next day, as if it was meant to be, I was paired against a player rated 2344.

I didn’t ask the arbiter whether I still had norm chances. I didn’t want to know. My thought process was simple: just play the game. If I win, I’ll ask later.

Somehow, I won the game.

After that, the arbiter confirmed that I had achieved my final norm. That was the moment I officially became a Grandmaster.

I was obviously very happy, but I made a mistake. I enjoyed the success so much that I didn’t take the time to properly understand what I had done right. I failed to capture the things that helped me play well.

Recently, I decided to go back and look at my games from that period and from other successful tournaments—especially the ones where I felt I played really well. I wanted to see if there were any common patterns.

I found one recurring pattern, with only a few exceptions.

The pattern I am referring to is something I now call Controlled Relaxation (a term I just came up with).

Relaxation

I believe it is extremely important to be relaxed while playing chess. When it comes to goals—before the game or after the game—anything can work. But during the game, I strongly feel that nothing should bother you. You need to be relaxed. Only when you are relaxed can you produce the best game possible for yourself.

This, of course, is the ideal state. But it comes with one big problem.

Drawbacks of Complete Relaxation

• It’s difficult to implement

• You could become careless

• Your play might become less ambitious

So what do we do?

Instead of aiming for complete relaxation, I think we should aim for something called Controlled Relaxation.

Here, we aim to be around 50% to 75% relaxed—no more than that. We accept that some thoughts will still be there. Often, before or during a game, we face things like:

• Stress about the game or the position

• Thoughts about rating and result

• Questions such as, “Will we be able to win?”

Thought Process Behind Controlled Relaxation

The truth is, we will never be able to fully relax—and we don’t need to. The goal is semi-relaxation. We allow these thoughts to exist and accept them instead of fighting them.

By doing this, we put ourselves in a state where we can still stay focused, ambitious, and practical. And most importantly, this is the state where we are most likely to give our best.

Exaggeration of the Concept of Flow

There is a concept called flow, coined by Csikszentmihalyi (or something close to that). It is usually described as a state where you completely lose awareness of what is happening around you. Everything flows naturally, things go your way, and you are almost unaware of time, place, or surroundings.

There have been a few tournaments and moments where I could say I was in a state of flow. However, I don’t fully agree with how it is described in books or on YouTube. For me, flow is not some magical or perfect state. Yes, you are relaxed, and moves do come to you more easily, but the rest of the description feels exaggerated.

Even in those moments, you still get thoughts like I am going to win or Will I win this game? The difference, in my opinion, is that you win anyway despite those thoughts being present.

Many books and videos present flow as an idealistic state to strive for—something that may not even exist or is extremely hard to achieve. Sometimes it becomes counterproductive. You start thinking, I am in a state of flow, then I am realizing I am in a state of flow, and then I am realizing that I am realizing I am in a state of flow—like something straight out of the movie Inception.

Because of this, I believe that Controlled Relaxation often appears when things are going your way. Whether flow truly exists or not is debatable. What I do feel strongly about is that Controlled Relaxation is much easier to achieve than flow, if flow exists at all.

What to Do When Things Are Going Badly

This is the hardest part.

When things are not going your way, it becomes very difficult to relax. You feel frustrated, angry, and disappointed—sometimes after a loss, sometimes even during the game itself. If you make a mistake and end up in a worse position, relaxing feels almost impossible.

So what do we do in these situations?

Again, within the idea of Controlled Relaxation, negative thoughts are expected. They are part of the process. Instead of fighting them, we accept them and try to return to what actually works.

And what works?

Chilling.

How Do Swindlers Do It?

In one of my recent training sessions, I heard an interesting concept. Without going into the full story, if you look at players like Nepomniachtchi, Abdusattorov, or Gukesh, they are exceptionally good at swindling. They often win games from clearly worse positions.

One of the most important skills behind this is forgetfulness.

Only if you are able to forget what has already happened in the game can you even give yourself a chance to swindle. If you keep worrying about your earlier mistakes, how can you possibly focus on creating new chances?

Fabi’s Magnus Story

I recently watched a short YouTube clip where Fabiano Caruana mentioned that Magnus Carlsen curses a lot while playing online tournaments. During one of their matches, Magnus was apparently swearing constantly.

But there was an interesting detail.

According to Fabi, Magnus only did that when he felt all hope was gone. The moment there was even a small chance left, he immediately became focused again.

That ability—to let go instantly and refocus when a chance appears—is what separates the very best.

The Effect of Stress and Anxiety in Chess

It’s very easy to say, after reading a self-help book or watching a motivational video, that you should just relax and not stress so much. If you are as calm as someone like M.S. Dhoni, you can even say that stress and anxiety are not part of the process and simply try to eliminate them.

But I am not going to do that.

I believe stress and anxiety are part of the process. If you feel stressed or anxious, it usually means you care about the game. And caring is not a bad thing. The problem starts only when we try to fight these emotions or pretend they shouldn’t exist.

In the Controlled Relaxation method, the first step is acceptance. We accept that we are stressed, and instead of resisting it, we try to use it.

Stress, when handled properly, is actually a powerful tool. It helps you focus better, stay alert, and take the game seriously. The goal is not to remove stress, but to prevent it from taking control.

A Study on Stress

There was an interesting scientific study on stress that compared two groups of people.

One group believed that stress is harmful and something to be avoided at all costs. The other group believed that stress can be helpful and is a natural response that prepares the body and mind for challenges.

The results were quite clear. People who viewed stress as something useful performed better under pressure and showed better overall health outcomes than those who believed stress was purely negative. Even though both groups experienced stress, the difference was in how they interpreted it.

The takeaway is simple: stress itself is not the enemy. How we think about stress matters more.

You can read more about this research here:
https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2015/05/embracing-stress-is-more-important-than-reducing-stress

Some Final Tips to Reach This State

• Have a good roommate or good company during a tournament. This matters more than people think. When I travel alone or have bad company, I rarely feel mentally settled.

• Whatever thoughts or emotions come up—stress, doubt, fear—they are all part of the process. Don’t fight them. Acknowledge them and try to let go.

• If you want to read more about similar ideas, I would recommend looking into philosophies like Stoicism, Taoism, or Buddhism. Many of these ideas align naturally with the concept of Controlled Relaxation.

Final Thoughts

Controlled Relaxation is not about being perfect, fearless, or completely free. It is about being relaxed enough to play honestly, stressed enough to care, and balanced enough to give yourself a real chance.

And most of the time, that is more than enough.